One day my daughter attended a drawing competition, hold in a 5-star hotel. About 50 kids from 5 to 14 years old gathered in a medium-sized hall to put in their creativity. Parents weren’t allowed to wait in the hall so with a friend, we went to the lobby and chatted there while waiting for our future artist finishing their masterpiece.
One and a half hour later, we went upstairs and found out that the competition was over and could bring our kids for lunch before the announcement. We went out for lunch then came back and waited for the next program in the hall. Mothers could sit down but to make 50 kids sitting in the room? Hah!?! So we let them ran here and there with other kids. Since I’m quite a paranoid parent, I kept my eyes on her, ensuring she’ld be just fine and safe.
After 10 minutes, I saw kids making crowd and my bunny daughter was in the crowd. What happened? My daughter and her friend (a girl of same age) were facing 3 older boys with a balloon in one of the boys’ hands, seemed they were arguing while pointing on the balloon. I concluded that they were ‘fighting’ for the balloon. My first reaction was to go there and be the judge in order to protect my daughter from any harming possibilities. I was about to stand up and approached them when suddenly I saw the boys started to run and my daughter with her friend chasing them. The girls lost and seemed unhappy. Both of them talked to each other, more like planning for strategy. They pretended like didn’t care about the balloon and when the boys weren’t alert, the girls took over it. This happened for the next 5 minutes. Finally the girls gave up and the boys celebrated their winning. This time I wanted to approach my daughter to say “It’s ok, don’t be sad, Mommy will buy you balloon.” Just before I put my thought into action (again), I saw my daughter walked to a lady, who seemed to be the one of the boys’ mother. I saw my 6-year-old girl talked to the lady in a polite body language. The lady pointed to the boy who was holding the balloon. I could guess what the lady said “It is his, you go to him.” My darling went to the boy and talked and…. the boy handed her the balloon!!! In peace, with no argument, with no fight!!
She and her friend played it for 5 minutes then handed it back to the boy. I really felt curious of what she said to the lady & the boy, so when she came to me for a drink, I quickly asked her. Her answer, “I told his Mommy that I want to borrow the balloon. His Mommy said that the boy is the boss, so asked him. I asked him nicely if I can borrow the balloon for a while and he agreed, asking me to promise to hand him back later. I said ok, so I played with friend for a while then I handed him back and said thank you.”
I looked at her in amazement. My daughter, without me directing her what to do or representing her of what to do, had settled her own matter wisely and diplomatically. Am I underestimating her all this time in the name of protection? Am I not believing her ability to think and solve her own problem? Am I not trusting her of able to get what she aim and want? Mommy got to apologize, Bunny, you are great!!
Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve (Roger Lewin)
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